How to Sleep With Fwb Again
sasha
we are very clear that we are just fwb even though practically we were living together. we fought a lot because of jealousy issue (both sides), attention and respect (both sides). I tried to leave him 3 times before actually i left him on 4th trial. Every time i tried to leave him he always asked me not to give up easily on us.
The 4th trial, i left him when he was abroad after we fought on the way to airport. I sent him long messages the next day that i want to end it all because i'd better focus on my life than sharing it. He accused me that i've been confuse between having a good time or relationship with him, he said again that he just wants to have a good time, nothing serious with me. I always agree with it, i just want to spend my time wisely than stay with him doing nothing (according to me, because i'm very active girl).
After a week i change my mind. i dont want to completely disappeared, but i dont want to waste my time doing nothing anymore. I want to hangout with him occasionally and being best friend to each other like before, but he is shutting down. He reads all my messages but never reply it except said that it's over as i said and accused me that i was being weird the last month we stayed together.
For sure, i dont want to repeat staying with him, but i still want him as my fwb. what should i do?
Louise
FWBs are supposed to be a fun way to enjoy companionship and sex without any drama or expectations about the future, that's the point.
You two are living in each other's pockets, arguing, jealous – where's the fun? You definitely spend WAY too much time together for FWB if you're practically living together.
I'd accept this one is over and draw better boundaries if you want this kind of set up again.
sisi
You tried to turn this into a relationship, it won't work….
Someday he will find "the one" and kick you to the cube….. don't wait for that day
Andrea
You don't hold much value to him other than being easy sex.
While you're wasting time chasing a relationship with this guy that will never happen, you're not open to meeting someone who could be a good match.
You need to go full and permanent no contact to give yourself time to heal and break the emotional addiction to him.
You also need to figure out why your self-esteem is so low that you would put yourself in a situation like this, and work on fixing it.
Sasha
For sure i dont want any relationship with anyone for now. I want to keep him as fwb but not as close as before or at least being nice to each other.
Louise
How long have you been doing this for? Are you sure you're not kidding yourself, settling for a little bit of him rather than having none?
Sasha
a bit more than 5 months (he asked me to stay with him but i did 4 or 5 days a week). I want to renew the deal, not giving my life to him but once a week or just contact each other when we want to hangout. Or if he doesnt want it anymore, just talk to me like a normal friend.
Raven
You are lying to yourself & us here… You want way more than FWB…
Sasha
@raven, i'm not. I dont understand anymore what is a relationship for. I just want to have a good time, but a real good time. I gave him freedom and i want the same. The thing is, everything was just so good except the fights.
someone
I think this guy is somewhat passive aggressive and has either control or attachment issues. If you are fwb, it is not normal that you hang together 5 days/week with sleep overs. For fwbs it is normal to get together from 2 to 7 times/month with or without sex. I wouldn't spend too much time together with this guy. Also, if you two don't share too many common interests, you might want to spend your OWN TIME with some one, who actually shares tour interests.
Sasha
We shared common interests a lot, everything was good. And then there was a guy who was approaching me and i wanted to have fun with him. He said he doesnt like the guy and if i still want to have fun with the guy it means i dont respect him.
I give him freedom and he doesnt let me to have the same. Indeed i have issue too, i feel he is too engage to his phone. Since i gave him 5×24 hours of my life, i want the same. All supposed to be equal between us. It doesnt mean i want a relationship with him, like he said.
He thinks that he gave me everything. I had to live in another town for 1 month and he agreed to follow me, rent a flat for us.
After i left him i realize that both of us sacrificed to each other, not just me. I said sincerely sorry but i cant stay with him anymore. He has not replied that yet, it has been a week.
Louise
So you were with him 5 days a week and wanted to sleep with someone else? I can see why he might get annoyed.
You were NOT behaving as normal FWB. This was an odd psuedo relationship and now it's stopped and that's for the best.
Sasha
He slept with someone else sometime when i was not with him. I dont mind, there is no point to bind him. I just wanted to sleep with someone else. He said he gives me freedom but in reality he doesnt give it.
Sasha
Yes i think we dont know what we want. I should reject when he asked me to stay with him.
Sasha
I mean by leaving him is going back to my own place and not accompanying him anymore but HE said, so you are thinking about to leave me or are you giving up only because bla bla bla
Louise
You're going to have to start at the beginning for this to make any sense for us.
You met 5 months ago. How did you start – were you dating, was it straight into casual sex?
When did / didn't you talk about exclusivity? It sounds like he didn't want to be exclusive and you didn't either so he slept with someone but didn't like the idea of you doing so – why are you two even talking about this with each other? It's none of each other's business if you're just FWB and aren't exclusive.
When did you start spending all your time together? When did you move in together? Why did you move in together if you weren't in a relationship?
Who is driving here – does he initiate, do you, etc?
Whatever the ins and outs of it, it sounds like he wants to stop, and rightly so, because you're both in a mess.
Sasha
After reading all the replies i understand that we are really in a mess and need to stop.
Lane
All I'm going to say is that for these to work you have to have clear boundaries, rules and guidelines in order for them to work. If you engage in a lot of jealousy and fighting then it won't work, at least for long! These are SUPPOSE to be light, fun, easy and temporary and if not then you need to walk away and find one who's a better fit for and can BOTH agree on the boundaries, rules and guidelines.
He cannot demand you not sleep with anyone if he is sleeping with others! You either have an exclusivity clause or you don't. Like with mine we were 'sexually exclusive' BUT we were allowed to go on dates and meet others. This had everything to do with our health by not potentially catching and spreading STD's to the other than being jealous. I'm not saying you can't be a 'little jealous' when the other is receiving attention from the opposite sex while your hanging out in public together but it should never be an ANGER or RAGE type of jealousy but more of a 'crap this could end too early if he finds someone else' kind of jealousy haha.
The tow of you are not FWB compatible and really need to cut him off—-that's what I had to do with mine when he overtime became over territorial to the point it no longer was fun or easy—when that ends the FWB needs to end.
Sasha
@Lane, that's wise about 'sexually exclusive'. For me, honestly i enjoy his sex and flirt stories. Everything was so good, but you are right, we are not compatible anymore
Source: https://www.anewmode.com/topic/fwb-gives-me-silent-treatment-after-fight/
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